...In-between sets from poet Cynthia Schwartzberg Edlow

February 25, 2013

11 Things for a Woman to Note While Watching a First NASCAR Race, Start to Finish, on TV

1.   There is a serious amount of praying before the race.
2.   You realize people could lose their lives shockingly suddenly, and perhaps all that praying isn't just a going-through of the motions.         
3.   There is no point to a grass divider between the track and the pit.
4.   A woman behind the wheel races a lime green car; she stays with the top pack for 200 full laps, avoids a series of nasty multi-car crashes and even leads a lap for the first time in history. If you are a woman watching this, no one could ever have convinced you the degree to which your heart would swell with pride.
5.   Just the sight of the M&M’S logo will make you crave M&M’S.
6.   This desire will not happen if you see a logo for a hardware store or network service.
7.   Anything, and that means anything, flying off one of those race cars during the race immediately turns into a piece of shrapnel.
8.   Face it. Men race car drivers look homely and half-baked. How on earth could this ever happen, no one really knows, but their wives are stunning.
9.   What is wrong with a little side bumping occasionally?
10. Ear muffs are not an elective. They do not, however, come in pink or animal print.
11.  Next week, when you are physically at your first NASCAR race, try very hard not to act as if you too, could drive 196 miles an hour, given half a chance. Don’t forget to remind the folks you can’t drive stick; it would have to be automatic. Take note of how far over they bend at the waist, howling with laughter.

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